Punishment

Question of the day!

When is it time to stop punishing yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past. It will be 2 years in mid-July since I made what I would feel is about the dumbest mistake ever. I can't seem to cut myself any slack for it either.

There are days that I sit and try to figure out what in the world I could have been thinking. I let a man come back into my life that at one point and time was my Prince Charming. Let me tell you though, Prince Charming no longer exists and probably never did. I only saw in him what I wanted too. He or the mother of his children one calls my phone on a pretty regular basis, I have yet to figure out why. If I answer the phone they hang up, if I don't they won't leave a message so what is the point.

I could sit and list all the relationship mistakes that I have made in my life. I seem to continue to stack the up in a pile and I don't know when the pile will ever end.

So tell me, when do you know that you have found the right person. The person that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. I know everyone has flaws and you have to choose what flaws you can live with and what flaws you can't. Is it a feeling, do you just fit, even married couples have disagreements so what is the difference between arguments with your soul mate and arguments with a man that isn't?

My blog buddy (Mid-Thirties Life Crisis) let go of The Cowboy and The Kid. Yet she still has all the heat for this man, loves him to death and desires to be with him. So tell me MTLC why? Why did you give this guy up that you care so deeply about? You are the one that said that maybe you bailed out. Who says that you can't go to him and tell him that you want to give it another try? What is the worst that can happen, he tells you he doesn't want too, but think he has told you how much he cares for you and wants you. The Kid loves you to death. So if he says no you have the closure that you really do need or as you say, the fat lady will be singing!!

Catching Up

I am so slack!!! I know, I really need to create a habit of writing. They say it is good for the soul, that writing about what is happening in your life can actually be healthy. From my understanding it keeps the stress down to actually get things of your chest.

Thanks for the advise Kel, I had actually already completed that task. I am now trying not to let any emotions or feelings become a part of this thing that is happening between myself and Mr. Clean. He came over to my house for the first time last weekend. I normally go to his place, this time he came to mine. On my birthday to top it all off.

I went to a wedding a week ago. A good friend of mine has taken the plunge. I will say that the thought of having a nice wedding the first dance, a toast. The ceremony and party is very appealing. It is just that the whole marriage thing makes me almost sick. It adds complication to something that does not have to be so complicated. It is kind of like deciding that you are going to be in a committed relationship. You see once those words are spoken everyone gains big expectations and expectations bring complications. I will admit that at times the not knowing drives me crazy, but if the alternative is going to be complicated then I will take a pass on that all together.

This weekend has been quite. I took my baby to a baseball game yesterday, my Dad went too. We had lots of fun, it was a double header. Today has been a day of relaxation, we played outside, took the weed whacker to the front yard, went to the dump and watched some movies.

Off to get some sleep, I will try to post tomorrow.

Lost Marbles

Have I lost my marbles or what. I was on IM Thursday night with Mr. Clean. We were chatting about this and that, he asked what I was so preoccupied with, so I told him that I was writing in a blog, I got the normal questions, What Blog, My Blog, what is it called. No worries I didn't fall for it. There is no way that I want him to read this. At the time I started writing a post titled "The Nice Guy" He asked what the blog was about so I told him Thursday nights topic. He laughed and asked if this was an old friend that I was writing about that no guy is a nice guy and he must have me fooled. I don't know if I have told you but Mr. Clean and I pick on each other all the time so I really didn't think to much about it. Needless to say the post never made it on here. We started chatting up a little fun and he gained my full attention.

I found out that Mr. Clean is sharing some pretty important stuff in his life with other people that I have never heard about on friday. I am really disappointed, I guess I just thought that Mr. Clean and I were better friends than we are, in a way I was hoping that it was growing into something even more than that.

I started talking to Mr. Clean, totally not my normal type might I add, he is an inch shorter than I am, okay looking, somewhat nerdy appearance. He had been asking me to hang out for quite some time and I finally said yes and actually showed up. I found that I completely enjoy laughing with him. He is still kind of clean cut and nerdy, and 100% out of my normal box. I thought he would be a good guy. But he is right, there are none and I am just fooled. Shame on me I let a man get close, and now I feel like crap.

He was supposed to come over Friday night but cancelled do to having to help his folks (probably not the truth at all) He told me for sure that he wasn't coming on Friday at 4:30pm. Mom hung out until 9 Friday night (I fixed her nails) I went out on Saturday with a friend of mine. We did lunch, a movie, and some shopping, can't beat a Saturday after noon like that, I had a great time. Saturday night Bubba took me out, had a few drinks came back to my place and watched a movie. Did a little bit of summer cloths shopping for my little girl today. I had a good weekend.

Wish me luck I head back to work tomorrow...

Later, I will keep you posted. I haven't decided if I am going to give this a shot or shoot him to the wind. I don't want to hurt or feel bad anymore so I may just end it.