Being Censored

Has anyone in your life ever censored what you are allowed to discuss with them? My life changed a great deal a little over 11 years ago. I became a mother that day, at the age of twenty-three. At this time, my life shifted from being all about me to all about my daughter. You see, I don’t necessarily think you lose your self when you become a parent but your focus certainly takes a new light.

Not so long ago, I was told by a friend that I had lost myself at the time I agreed with him. My thinking was that I had lost who I once was and really wasn’t the same anymore. So I started thinking a great deal about this later. I didn’t lose myself; I found a new sense of self. I am a MOM and am proud and honored to be called that. To top it all off I am a single one.

I can not talk to this person anymore. I don’t know what to say… I have been asked not to talk about what I do in my life anymore, because my life revolves and my child’s. Her activities are my activities. I am an assistant cheer coach, an active participant in all Girl Scout activities, I help out with school. If you want to get down to the nitty gritty of it all, I am a teacher, care giver, launderer, coach, photography, therapist, cook, house keeper, and chauffer. If I missed any, well use your imagination.

Talking to this person (that I once considered to be a very good friend) is now a very stale conversation. I don’t have much I can say that doesn’t involve my child. I don’t want to talk about current events, well because… I just won’t go there. The conversations consist of “How are you doing” “Good”, “You”… do you get my point here.

My once very good friend has been through a great deal over the last couple of years. I can respect that dealing with all they have can lead to some self hurt and frustration. I am also a firm believer in accepting your own choices as mistakes and moving forward. I believe that there is work out there for all who choose to work. I believe that you have to make sacrifices in pay and stay in a job that you may not be your happiest with until you have another secured. I believe that if you make your bed, or unmake it, or destroy it, then you have to lay in it, you have to pick up your own pieces. Don’t blame others for it, don’t make others feel bad for it.

I guess what I am trying to say is, STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME! I have never been the type of person to be censored. I don’t like that you are trying too.

So to your little message of (“Doors Closing”) I can’t not care anymore. When you return to your self and can be who you truly are again. I might still be around to be your friend.