Hopeless

I am feeling a bit hopeless today.

When I am in a bad mood, angry or upset about something I clean, as you can imagine lately my house is spotless. I was in another mood tonight so I decided that I was going to clean the shower. I was 3/4 done and the very full shampoo bottle fell and hit my toe, not the little one but the one right next to it. My poor toe turned blue and started bleeding right away. So much for sandal weather. I won't be wearing them.

Mr. Clean sent me an IM this morning fairly early. We normally don't chat until later in the day. He starts out with the normal, what's up, then he proceeds to tell me that he didn't call last night because I would not have wanted to talk to him because he was in a really bad mood, and upon his arrival home it only got worse. I simple gave the short answer of I am sorry to hear that. Giving very short answers thru out the conversation. So he gave me explanation of why he didn't call. Should that make a difference to me?

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine at work and she said that it was good that he acknowledged the fact that he didn't call me. I am kind of lost on this one. I like this man, I am still shocked that I actually like this man but I do. I have stepped way out of my box with him and am pleasantly surprised on how much we have in common. Yet I don't know what he thinks or feels so I am not allowing myself to feel. Is this good to do?

Help!

Should I Care?

IM'd with Mr. Clean today, (oh by the way, we hung out this past weekend, a fabulous night!) he was having a bad day. I ask what was happening, but he didn't want to discuss it at that time, "it is a long story" so I replied ok, call me later. He stated that he would. Normally on the way home we talk. When I got in the car after work I put on my headset and was ready and waiting for the call. (NO CALL)!!! I don't know why, but he didn't call and I am too damn stubborn to call him. Should I care that he didn't call when he said he would?

Why is it that men (not all but a good portion) seem to not care?

This last couple of weeks have been a living hell. Work is crazy, we have moved office space, so I have had to pack up and unpack 5 people no including myself. Things are winding down a little so I hope to get more consistent with the blog. Forgive me please!

I need you help, a couple of months ago, I reconnected with my high school sweetheart. We spent our sweet 16 b-day together since we are only 12 days apart in age. Well his birthday is coming up and I need help on what I should get him. He is into stand up comedy, currently a bar manager at a Funny Bones.

The Little Things

Sorry, life have been revolving quickly around here, between working, doing (helping) my 3rd grader do homework, catch up on her reading, and well trying to have a personal life, I have not been good about posting.

Have you ever noticed that the littlest things can make you the happiest? Today I received an email from Scooter, I had text messaged him several times over the last couple of weeks and was starting to feel neglected just a bit. That made my day, just hearing from him, silly I know. Like last Friday, Mr. Clean and I were on the phone talking on the way home and he asked me over to cook out this Friday night. Sounds silly right, but normally he doesn't ask until Tuesday or Wednesday sometimes even Thursday.

I just got off instant messenger with an old friend of mine. This is a man that I have been attracted to for 8 years. We became really good friends, he helped me through some rough times. So off and on for the last 5 years we have gone out, a date here and there, nothing major. Yet for some reason we are always drawn back to each other. He swore that he would forever stay single. Well I guess that changed, because about 9 months ago he got married to a girl that he had been dating for about 6 months. Now we still talk, and he tells me that he still cares about me, and regrets blowing me off at times. He says "Just bad timing", that it will forever suck that we never got together. He has gone as far as telling me that he loves me and misses me. How can he say these things? Does this make any sense to you?

So tell me, why am I always the girl that they regret leaving or treating poorly? Why can't I be the girl that they hook up with after they have learned their lesson and screwed someone else over and not me?

I was talking to my ex-fiancé' earlier, my daughter goes to his house this weekend, she has a birthday party on Sunday, so I need to pick her up early. Lets call him (The Daddy) it fits; when we were together it should have been "The Drunk". We don't have good conversations normally. If his wife is around he treats me like shit, if she isn't we get along great. He was already dating her when we finally called it splits. She landed him by getting pregnant within the first 6 months they were together. He worked 2 jobs so that she could stay home with the baby until she was a little over 3, she already had two kids of her own. Daddy is a different person now, he is more of an adult and is the man that I had so hoped he would be for me. I was young and scared so I chose not to get married. Times were rough with him, he would sit on the barstool from 2pm till 7pm go home call me and that was about it. He would drink to get drunk every night. There were Friday nights that he would say that he was going to pick me up and he would call 2 hours after he was supposed to be there.

I am used to dating men that are 6 foot plus and snuggly, Mr. Clean is 5'7, (an inch shorter than I) cute, but not at all my normal type. I guess I am trying to step out of my box and explore different things. The men I have dated in the past have all been great for a while but eventually turned out to be a dud. Mr. Clean is a great father, who cherishes his son, he is responsible, owns his own home, great to laugh with, and I must say is a fabulous kisser.

Is it smart to go down different roads?